


Osinkami

by Khorazyl



Category: Batman (Comics), Metal Gear, Naruto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 10:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20619452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khorazyl/pseuds/Khorazyl
Summary: Naruto is pulled out of retirement by Batman, called on to retrieve the stolen Metal Gear.





	Osinkami

Naruto regained himself. He was still groggy from being knocked out and the damp in the air didn’t help. There was a stinging metallic taste and his skin crawled as cold sweat trickled down his back. He groaned involuntarily. He was sitting down; they’d given him that luxury, whoever they were. Everything was grey, green and dark in the single light bulb’s feeble illumination. Dramatic effect, of course. He was in a cell of some kind. No - too big to be a cell. Perhaps a holding cell. There was s deep, distant but pounding murmur around him. Underground? Something about the air pressure felt off. By now, he could make out shapes, make out the corners of the room. Behind the light, a shadow stared at him. And it spoke:

“It’s been a long time, Naruto.”

He knew that voice; a voice like the eye in a storm. It couldn’t be. The shadow stepped into the edge of the light. Naruto saw him.

“I should’ve known you were behind this, Batman.”

“That’s no way to greet an old war buddy.”

“Save it. You’re no buddy of mine.”

“Naruto. I invited you here so we could talk.”

Naruto erupted to a stand. “Invited? That’s what you call knocking me out and kidnapping me?”

“I needed to show you something. I knew you’d say no otherwise.”

“Hey! I’m retired. The war’s over and you’re not my commander anymore. I don’t have to take orders from you.”

“Excuse me.” There was someone else here. A switch ticked and the light went off. Dark. Then another tick and the whole room went up. Naruto winced as his eyes stung. Grimacing, he peeked around and made out the figure better. A woman. She was wearing a lab coat. This must be some kind of secret R&D facility. Government? Or another of the Crusader’s pet projects. She was looking at him, patiently.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Dr Irene Adler. I’m the chief of ASAHI’s medical staff.”

“ASAHI?” asked Naruto.

Batman explained. “After the war ended, most of the former rebellious samurai were absorbed into Japan’s new government. They established a republic in the north, in Hokkaido. ASAHI was created with the purpose of rooting out the remaining ronins, to stamp out the old order: the Rising Sun.”

“I’ve heard about you. You kill ninjas too. I didn’t believe it. So many of my old friends went missing. Missing or gave up the life and became civilians. Told there was no need for ninjas in the new world. That we were an embarrassment.” Naruto paused. He turned to the doctor. “And you? Are you military?”

“No,” she said. “Civilian. Part of the new CDC, a department founded by the US Government. I’m part of the US’ expedition here, to help modernise the new government here.”

“Modernise?”

“Yes. The Emperor has been clear in his aims. The past four years have seen small waves of Western diplomats to help inform government policy. With them have come not insignificant task forces of scientists, engineers, doctors, teachers and military officers to help the Emperor as he establishes a more centralised government.”

“I can’t believe it. You’re taking over, aren’t you?”

Batman assured him. “That’s not why we’re here, Naruto. We’re here on a mission. That’s why I brought you here.”

“And where am I? Just where in the hell even am I?” Naruto bellowed.

“A Kasatka class submarine, fifty miles off the coast of the Ryu Kyu archipelago.”

“Kasatka?”

“If it comes to the worst case scenario, we can’t have this being traced back to us.”

“I see. You’re doing the government’s dirty work. Working in the shadows. A ninja killing ninjas. I can’t believe it.”

“I don’t have time for this. We have a mission and you’re the only one who can do it.”

“Why me? I’m not American.”

“You fought with us once before.”

“That was different. I didn’t know what we were fighting for, what the real goal was. I never would’ve joined you if I’d known.”

“That’s still the goal. Officially, the war’s over but I haven’t hung up my cape just yet. The Five Kages were corrupt, Naruto. Deliberately instigating conflicts between daimyos to drive up demand for their services. The corruption was systemic. War was our last resort, believe me.”

Naruto said nothing. He suddenly desperately needed to smell fresh air. To run somewhere.

Batman continued. “There’s another reason I chose you.” Naruto looked up. “Terrorists have taken control of the ruins of the Hidden Leaf Village. They hijacked a US Marines tanker, headed for Tokyo for inspection. That tanker held a top-secret weapon that in the wrong hands could mean chaos for the whole region.”

“Top-secret?”

“I’ll explain this part,” said Dr. Adler. “During the war, The White House said that it would give its unfailing support to the Emperor in quelling the rebellion. But as it drew on, several generals expressed concern that perhaps we had backed the wrong horse. So, they developed a contingency plan in case the Shogunate won: a new, highly-advanced revolutionary form of artillery. A sixteen-cannon barrage, it could fire missiles up to heights just below the stratosphere. Armed with a hyperintelligent processing unit, the machine could take into account wind patterns, varying atmospheric pressure and seismic activity thereby calculating its trajectory with a margin of error of two hundred metres. In short, a weapon that allowed its user to attack without giving away its position. We called it . . . Metal Gear.  
Low-level testing was already under way as the war was coming to a close. We’ve actually never got to see it operate at its full capabilities. If we did, outside of a conflict scenario - that many missiles? It’d surely make international news.”

Batman joked, “If it were that many missiles, it’d make the weather report.”

Silence. Dr Adler didn’t appreciate his attempt at humour.

“Never mind that,” continued Batman. “Naruto, this weapon can’t be in the hands of a rogue nation.”

Naruto frowned. He couldn’t. The old order might have been over but he still had his ninja code. He couldn’t refuse.

Batman added, “There’s another reason why we asked you.”

“Huh?”

“The terrorists have an army of ronins and renegade ninjas. If this were a rag-tag group of mercenaries with a grudge, it wouldn’t be much of a problem. But they’ve been disciplined by their new leaders into a professional army, aiming to establish a nation-state not just for themselves but with the aims to reconquer Japan.”

“New leaders?”

“Yes. That’s another reason why we brought you. The men and women in charge of this whole affair are some of the most capable warriors from the old era. Light Yagami, with his powerful supernatural abilities. Bayonetta, the beautiful and deadly berserker. Mario, master of disguise. Mecha Godzilla, giant and humanity’s nemesis. And sans from Undertale, specialist in interrogation and a formidable gunfighter.”

“Helluva misfit gang. I’ve met better. Too bad we’ll be meeting under these circumstances.”

“One more thing: the person in charge of them, the sqaud leader . . . you might know her by her codename: Sailor Moon.”

“My sister!?”

“Yes, and you’re the only person who can stand against her.”

“. . . She disappeared. All those years ago.”

“Yes. She’s been AWOL for twelve years. Surprised me as well.”

“No-one really knows her as well you do,” said Dr Adler. “You’re the only who can figure out what she really plans to do.”

“What do you mean?” asked Naruto.

Batman interjected. “There’s another reason we need you. The terrorists haven’t just hijacked Metal Gear. They’re also demanding two thousand tonnes of gold-”

“Two thousand tonnes of gold?”

“Yes. They’re also asking for the remains of a certain someone.”

“The remains of a certain someone?”

“Yes. The late Barack Obama.”

“What!?”

“That’s why we need you on this mission,” said Dr Adler again. “You have the skills, the knowledge, and the only one who can understand what she’s thinking.”

“Huh.” What the hell was this, he thought. He hadn’t fully recovered but his head was sufficiently calibrated by now for him to see how crazy this all was. Had he missed something? He’d spent so long wandering after the Leaf Village was destroyed. Had the world changed that much while he was away? “Alright,” he bemoaned. “Alright. I’ll do it.”

“I’m glad,” said Batman. “There’s . . . another reason I chose you.”

“Another reason?”

“When the terrorists first took over the ruins, the governor dispatched a small task force to investigate. Half of them were wiped out. The other, captured. One of the hostages is my niece.”

“Niece?”

“Yes. The daughter of an old friend of mine. Her name’s Lyra. You’re the only one I trust to rescue her.”

Naruto shook his head. His voice turned raspier than usual. “I’m . . . rusty. Spent too long wandering around. I’m not the ninja I used to be.”

Batman clasped his shoulder, his face fully in the light, his eyes clear. “You are, Naruto. I believe in you.”

Naruto looked away. “Okay,” he finally resolved. “One thing though.”

“What’s that?”

“I need some scissors.”

“Why do you need that?” asked Dr Adler.

“Just gonna clean myself up a little. I don’t wanna be mistaken for the leader of the terrorists.”


End file.
